I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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