Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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