Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Define "chronic" masturbator.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
