No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
