I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
