I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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