I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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