either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
