If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
