He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
