i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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