cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
