I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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