This is not my ceiling
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
