I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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