We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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