Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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