Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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