You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
