This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
