1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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