She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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