i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize