I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
In America we eat man semen.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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