you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
