Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
