worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
