Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize