Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
