Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
