is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
