oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
