You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
jump out the window naked night went bad
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