So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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