Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
