Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
