Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
