Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
