i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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