i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
