he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
