During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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