Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
