sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
