just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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