You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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