I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
