So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She even gives head with a lisp.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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