We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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