It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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