I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
