She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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