We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
