season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
