the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
