Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
