Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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