My room smells like vodka and shame
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
