If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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