you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
