That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
