just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
