I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
