I like to think it a success when the cops are called
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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