Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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