My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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