Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i drank out of a bidet.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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