Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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