Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
