you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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